Is Your Man Gay?
Tonja Ayers
Is Your Man Gay? Copyright © 2011 by Tonja Ayers. All Rights Reserved. Printed and Published in the United States of America. No parts of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without prior consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations used in reviews.
Emperial Publishing
P.O. Box 211194
Detroit, MI 48221-1194
emperialpublishing@gmail.com
www.emperialpublishing.com
Cover Design by www.okanemediagroup.com
Editing by Deanna Michelle Smith
ISBN: 978-1-4507-6194-9
First printing February 2011
Table of Contents
Introduction 5
Letter 9
Down Low or Low Down? 12
Signs 18
What is AIDS/HIV? 31
What You Should Know 38
Why Did He Pick You? 43
It’s Not Your Fault 49
Conclusion 51
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank the many men and women who opened their hearts and souls to me over the years and during the research of this book.
I would also like to thank my mother and father; the best parents in the whole wide world for their continuous support.
Thank you so much Dickie Dior for your support with this project and last however certainly not least…I would like to thank Durnnell Cheeks, the best nail tech in the “D” for encouraging me to go forward with this project on a positive perspective.
Introduction
Hello! My name is Tonja Ayers and I am the author of “Is Your Man Gay?". Originally this book was created as a piece of satirical work. I have owned and operated a shoe store in the city of Detroit for over 10 years and many women have discussed the uncertainty of their man’s sexuality with me. In some cases it was obvious to me that their man was gay or most certainly had some feminine characteristics. I use the word ‘man’ because some were married to these men and some were not. I also use the word ‘man’ because in today’s society it is considered taboo for a real ‘man’ to have sex with another man.
As stated earlier, this book was going to be satire just like my first book, “A Ho Needs to Stay in a Ho’s Place.”However, during my research process, I discovered this issue was much bigger than I had originally thought. I recently received an email from a young lady asking for advice on determining if her mate was gay. I personally feel that if you have to ask . . . the answer is, yes. Nevertheless, I have discovered that many women are quite confused and suffering great emotional turmoil in relationships where their mate's sexuality is questionable.
I interviewed several men who have sex with men and conducted hours of research to create a list of characteristics that I deem questionable. In no way am I saying a man is gay if he possesses one or two of the peculiar characteristics. Although, if he has 5 or more, I think you may have a problem. I have a friend who found out her husband of 13 years was having sexual affairs with women AND men. Their children were 8 and 12 years old at the time. The discovery and break up was horrible! I always felt there was something peculiar about him. They had been married approximately 5 years when his wife and I became friends. We had just met so I couldn’t simply come out and say, “Girl! I think you’re husband is gay!” I felt somewhat responsible for her heartache because I believed he was gay since the first time I met him, yet I never said anything.
This novel, ‘Is Your Man Gay?’ is based strictly upon my opinion. I have minimal training in psychology and sociology. My degrees are in Business Administration and Business Management. Nevertheless, I do feel that life's lessons have taught me quite a bit. With that said, women must use common sense. Listen to your intuition or as Oprah would say . . . ‘the whisper.’ The little whisper that you hear in the back of your head is trying to tell you something. Do not ignore it.
I have nothing against gay men. Some of my best friends are gay men. However, I do have a problem with liars! It is not fair to enter a relationship with a woman or anyone for that matter, based upon a lie. It's even worse to marry the person and then bear children based upon deceit. How can you be true to others, if you can’t be true to yourself?
Letter That Started It All
Dear Tonja,
I am writing to you because I don’t know what to do. You have always been honest and forthcoming with me in the past, so here we go. I think my husband, Robert might be gay or should I say bisexual. As you know, we have been married for only a few years now. He hardly touches me anymore and we never have sex unless I initiate it. We used to spend so much time together but now all he wants to do is hang out with his friends. He has one friend in particular that looks at me funny. It’s like he’s saying, “Yeah bitch! I’m sleeping with your man.”
After our first date, he began to talk about marriage. Remember, you said to be careful and he was moving too fast. To be honest, I thought you were ’hating’ on me but now I know that you were right. My sister had our wedding picture sitting on her desk at work. A female co-worker saw the picture and said, “Is that, Robert? Oh my goodness! He got married? I always thought he was gay!” When I told him what the woman said he claimed she was angry because he didn’t like her and wouldn’t have sex with her. Are there any signs to look for? I need your help. Is my man gay?
Thanks,
Pam
Dear Pam,
I am sorry to hear about the emotional pain you are experiencing however I can not tell you if your man is gay or not. I have been asked this question many times before so I have decided to do some research to discover if there are specific characteristics to look for. Meanwhile listen to your gut. I’m quite sure that your mind wouldn’t generate the question, “Is my man gay?”, if you weren’t already feeling some kind of way about the issue.