Relatively Close
Judy Serrano
Copyright Judy Serrano 2012
Published by Black Rose Writing, Publishing at Smashwords
Black Rose Writing
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© 2012 by Judy Serrano
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publishers, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a newspaper, magazine or journal.
The final approval for this literary material is granted by the author.
First digital version
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Print ISBN: 978-1-61296-082-1
PUBLISHED BY BLACK ROSE WRITING
Print edition produced in the United States of America
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PRAISE FOR JUDY SERRANO'S BOOKS
“...I quickly realized that Judy Serrano really knows how to leave us readers hanging and drooling for the next book.”
—Stephanie Fatta, Beauty Brite Reviews
“Serrano has once again left me wanting more, so much more. So eager to turn page after page. Becoming enthralled with Lilly and the Montiago family, you will find yourself wrapped up into their lives as if it were your own.”
—Jodie Baker, Uniquely Moi Books
“As for the author Judy Serrano I can't wait to read her next book. She writes with such passion and enthusiasm with lots of twists and turns, and full of adventure and excitement. She is such an amazing writer, you never know what to expect.”
—Patricia L. Foltz, Way2Kool Designs
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Prior Books in this Series:
Easter's Lilly
Brother Number Three
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Author's Note
I wanted to say thank you to my husband Miguel for always supporting my writing endeavors. I would also like to thank him for designing and creating the book cover. His talents do not go unnoticed. A special thanks goes out to my boys, Miguel III, Theo, Tad and Enrique for giving me the time to write and believing in me.
Thank you to all of my friends and readers who have followed me along this journey and made these books possible.
Of course I want to thank my publisher, Reagan Roth and the staff at Black Rose Writing, for making my dreams come true. Reagan believed in me from the start and I will always be grateful.
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Chapter 1
“BANG”
Max fell to the ground followed by Hector. Max shouted out, “Junior, I forgive you,” as his eyes began to close. I fell to the floor… hard. Max pushed me down as the bullet flew in our direction. I sat up to find that Max had a hole in his chest and Hector had blood pouring from his side. The bullet must have gone right through Max and into Hector. Junior was standing there holding the gun, not moving. Diego sprang into action. He grabbed the gun from Junior. “Maria! 911!” he shouted to his girlfriend. She began to dial. “It was an intruder!” he shouted again. “Probably from the Malone organization. Do you all understand?” Maria and I both answered immediately with a, “Yes sir,” while Regina, Hector’s wife, sat at the kitchen counter obviously in shock.
“Junior!” Diego called. “Take off your clothes and throw them into the fireplace. Take a shower. You need to wash all of the residue from the gunshot off of your body. I’ll get rid of the gun.” He took the gun from my son and Junior followed him up the stairs.
“Max, Max!” I reached for him. He grabbed my hand.
“Baby girl,” he gasped, trying to catch his breath.
“Max, you fight for me, do you hear me?”
“Yes, baby girl, I live for you.” That was something he said to me the last time he was shot in the chest; only the last time he said it in Spanish. He opened his eyes for a minute and I could see the fear poised like a dark cloud, ready to rain.
“Diego!” I screamed. “Diego! Where are you?”
“He’s taking care of the gun, Lilly,” Maria reminded me. “Give him a few minutes.”
It wasn’t too long before he came running back into the room; although it felt like an eternity. He pulled out a credit card and put it on Max’s wound. Max let out a yell that made me shudder. “Go check on Hector,” he told me.
I ran to Hector and knelt down beside him. “Talk to me,” I said. “Hector, talk to me.” He reached out for my hand. “I have never been able to forget you, Lilly.” I could hear his voice begin to weaken. “I need you to know that I am still in love with you.”
“I know, Hector, I know,” I whispered, putting my lips closer to his ear. He squeezed my hand and then closed his eyes. I looked at Diego.
“Wake him up, Lilly. Wake him up!” I slapped his face a few times gently and he looked up at me.
“Max… Max…” Hector gasped.
“Hector, save your strength,” I told him.
“Max, is he..? Max…” he was muttering, barley conscious.
“He’s alive,” I answered. “He’s alive.”
“Lilly,” Diego called. “Were you hit?”
“No, they both took the bullet though.”
“Lilly, it’s okay,” Hector whispered weakly. “I’d do anything for you.”
“Lilly,” Max reached out his hand across Diego to me. I quickly became overwhelmed.
“Regina!” I yelled. “Get over here, now!”
She continued to sit motionless at the counter. Maria came running to me with a towel and pressed it against Hector’s side. He opened his eyes. “I love you,” he whispered and closed his eyes again. I kissed his forehead and moved back over to where Max was lying on the floor.
We heard the sirens, and the paramedics made it into the kitchen. Regina was still sitting at the counter, looking as though someone had shot her. They put them both on gurneys.
“The wives can come but the rest have to follow in a separate vehicle,” one of the paramedics told us.
“Regina!” I yelled. “Come on!” She still did not move. I got into the ambulance and Diego pushed her in beside me. She still said nothing.
“Regina,” he’s your husband. You have to get it together… for him.” She sat there almost in denial. It was as though she thought that if she didn’t respond, none of this would be real. “I can’t believe this,” I said. “He’s been shot. It’s time for you to act like a real wife.”
“I guess I don’t have the experience you do with the correct mob-wife protocol.” She blurted. I was really starting to become angry with her.
“Do you love him?” I yelled. She looked at me with empty eyes. “Do you love him?” I shouted again. “I can’t be with him right now, so you have to be the one to help him. Do you understand me?” She still said nothing. I kissed Max’s cheek. He was fading in and out of consciousness but I knew Hector heard every word I said. “You hold on for me, Max… hold on for me,” I pleaded, brushing the tears out of my eyes. His eyes opened suddenly and I could feel him squeeze my hand. Hector reached across the gurney for Max’s other hand and Max grabbed it. They were really scared this time.
We got to the hospital and I was happy to see that Diego and Maria were already there. I ran into Diego’s arms and he held me close. “Both of them, Diego. I can’t lose both of them,” I said as my voice began to crack.
“We won’t lose them. My brothers are tough, remember?” Maria took Regina to a chair and Regina sat there almost lifeless.
I let go of Diego and walked over to her. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked. “Why can’t you be there for him?” She finally looked up at me.
“He doesn’t want me,” she responded. “So, who’s it going to be, Lilly, your husband or your lover?” I stepped back in astonishment. Hector and I hadn’t been lovers for years. “I’m sure when Hector asked if Max was dead he was hopeful.” That was it. I felt my heart beat accelerate as all the blood in my body rushed with incredible force into my face. Before I knew what was happening I lost all control and hauled off and smacked her right across the face in front of God and all his people. Everyone in the waiting room stopped what they were doing and looked at us. She recoiled quickly and put her hand on her cheek. Diego grabbed my arms, gently from behind and moved me out of the way. He put his hands on both sides of her chair and put his face so close to hers that I wasn’t sure if they were touching.
“You will do what is expected of you for the family and the organization. You will go to your husband’s bedside and give him whatever it is he needs to want to live.” He paused and looked at me. “Even if it’s Lilly.” His voice was calm but threatening. Tears welled up in her light blue eyes.
“Fine,” she said in a reluctant tone.
“That is not the answer I’m looking for,” he continued.
“Yes sir,” she said in a sarcastic manner. Maria and I exchanged glances.
Diego stood up and walked back over to me. “Let’s go to the emergency room and say goodbye before surgery.” All four of us went and saw Max and Hector together in a back room.
Max was in bad shape. He wasn’t as young as he used to be and this wasn’t his first bullet to the chest. I took off his oxygen mask and kissed his lips. “Sweet, like sugar,” he murmured. I smiled. “One more?” he asked me. “One more time.” I kissed him again and he put the backs of his fingers to my cheek. “We’re forever, right baby girl?”
“I will be here waiting for you,” I assured him. “And yes, daddy, forever.” He loved it when I called him that and he made an attempt at a weak smile. The nurse came in and told us it was time. He squeezed my hand, hard.
“You have to let him go now,” she told me.
As I let go of his hand a piece of me went with him. “I love you, daddy!” I shouted. He gradually disappeared out of sight, down the hallway. Regina was standing next to Hector but there was no communication going on. “Maria,” Diego called. “Please take Regina for a quick walk. I think she needs some fresh air.” Maria did as she was told and Diego looked at me.
“Diego?” I asked, a little confused.
“Lilly, you know how I feel about this sort of thing. Give him a reason to live. Go…”
I cautiously headed for Hector’s bedside and removed the mask. “You heard the man,” he started. “Give me a reason to live… I think I have about 30 minutes.”
I laughed. “See now that’s what I mean by dirtier,” he smiled and looked over at Diego.
“She says I’m dirtier than Max,” Hector explained. Diego shook his head.
“Besides,” I continued. “You’d just be getting me warmed up in 30 minutes.” He reached for my hand and I moved my lips close to his ear. “I love you, Hector, you know that,” I whispered.
“You are the reason I get up in the morning,” he replied. “If we didn’t live together, my world would be so empty.”
“Shhh,” I said. “Don’t say things like that.”
“I wish you chose me,” he continued. “I am totally and completely under your spell.”
“Sometimes I wish I chose you too,” I admitted. “I miss you. Sometimes I ache inside for your touch. Even now.”
“Oh brother,” Diego blurted. I made a face at him.
Hector reached for my cheek with his hand. “Please Lilly.” He paused but I knew what he was going to ask me. “A kiss. Just one kiss.”
“Wrap it up,” Diego said. “The girls are coming back.”
I kissed his lips a few times, softly. I was beginning to feel a little warm inside. He smiled at me as though he knew. Then I put the mask back on and quickly sat in a chair against the wall before Regina came back inside. The nurse came and asked Regina if she wanted to say anything to him before he left. She removed the mask and kissed him. Then she replaced it and said, “Thank you.” They wheeled him away.
We all got up and headed for the waiting room. Regina sat with Maria and I sat with Diego. He had his arms around me as I sat there trying to hold it together. “I’m so very proud of you,” he told me.
“For what?” I asked. “For loving both of them? For allowing both of them to love me?”
“Lilly-pad, I don’t think you have any control over who loves you.” He smiled.
“You know what I mean, Diego,” I continued. “I should have been stronger.”
“You have been thrown into a very complicated way of life. I think you should feel proud of the way you have survived it all.”
“I’m not feeling very proud right now,” I told him.
“I’m proud of you for not falling apart. You have really grown up, my Lilly-pad.” I smiled. He was obviously trying to lighten our very grave situation.
“Why does Maria put up with you?” I asked.
He laughed. “What do you mean?”
“You are here with me, and she is there…” I paused. “With her,” I said in an unfavorable tone, pointing to Regina. “Why does she let you comfort me?”
“Maria knows the rules,” he answered.
“What rules?” I asked.
“Lilly comes first,” he continued.
“Diego,” I looked up at him with disapproval. “You should not have a rule like that.”
“She understands that you’re the most important person in the world to me. She’s okay with that.”
“What if you marry her?” I reminded him. “She will no longer be okay with that, I assure you. Look at Regina.”
“I am not Hector. I don’t spew my feelings all over the table. But just the same, you know they’re there.” I put my head back down on his shoulder while we waited.
A few hours went by without a word. Regina was asleep on a neighboring couch and Maria and I were both leaning on Diego’s shoulders. Finally a doctor came in. “Mrs. Montiago.” Regina jumped up and I answered, “Yes, we’re here.”
“Hector came through with flying colors. The bullet was removed and there was no damage to any internal organs.”
“What about Max?” I asked beginning to feel a little panicked.
“Maxwell was in a little worse shape,” he said. I think I was holding my breath. “Although the bullet escaped out the back, he lost a lot of blood. We had to remove his spleen, which is okay, but it had already ruptured. His system was poisoned. They are both in recovery. Max should be fine but I just want you to be prepared.”
“When can we see them?” Diego asked. “And please put them in the same room. This will make it easier for us all since they’re brothers. They are very close.”
“Yes, they share everything,” Regina said shooting me a nasty glare.
The doctor looked at her a little confused and said, “Two hours. Why don’t you go get something to eat and come back? I expect they should be lucid by then.”
“May I see Max, for a minute?” I asked. “Just for a minute?”
“Come back in two hours,” he said and walked off down the hallway. I hugged Diego and he kissed the top of my head.
“I told you, they’d come through this.” Then he reached for Regina’s arm and pulled her to him. “Do not toy with her. I will most certainly make sure you regret it.” He let her go and she almost fell off balance. We all went to the cafeteria to have some lunch. Regina was her usual talkative self.
“I hope Junior’s okay,” I added.
“Marisol is watching the kids. I asked her to keep a special eye on him,” Diego assured me. Marisol was our new nanny. We had to remove Angel when we found out she was on Polo’s payroll. Polo, being one of our greatest adversaries, bribed her into letting his men into our home a few years back. We thought we were paying her well but apparently not well enough. Marisol was checked and re-checked before she was hired. Diego put someone on her to watch her consistently just to be sure this kind of thing didn’t happen again. Being a Montiago had its pitfalls sometimes.
The police walked into the cafeteria. “Regina,” Diego warned. “Behave yourself. You don’t want to find out what I can do when you defy me.”
“Mrs. Montiago?” My hands began to shake.
“Yes, I am she and this is Hector’s wife, Regina Montiago.” We both shook their hands. “This is my brother-in-law Diego and his good friend Maria.”
“I know this is hard on everyone but we need to find out who did this to your husbands.” Diego looked at Regina.
“It all happened so fast,” she said. “I’m not really sure.”
Diego came to my rescue. “Two men, hoods and masks, came in and shot them while they were cooking breakfast. We were totally unprepared. They are FBI agents and very good shots. They really caught us by surprise. When they saw they were both down… they were gone.”
“Any idea who it could have been?” one of them asked.
“Hector and Max just brought two organizations down. Polo Montiago’s and John Malone’s. Could be from either side.”
“Descriptions?” the other one asked.
“About 5’9”or 10, medium build. I told you they had hoods and ski masks on… that was all we saw.”
“Thank you for your time,” the other one said. “We’ll be in touch.”
They walked off and Diego looked at Regina. “Thank you.”
“I still think he should be punished. A 13 year old boy pointing a gun at my husband.” She made a fierce face at me. “All because of you.”
“That’s enough,” Diego scolded. “She was with Hector before you were even on his mind. Keep that in your head when you get all teenager on us.”
“He doesn’t want me,” she said again. “I should just go home.”
“I think you will learn to do as you’re told,” Diego restated.
“Do it,” Maria said. “You’ll lose everything if you push him.”
Regina looked at me. “What can he possibly do to me?” she asked. “He has no power.”
“He has your baby under his roof, doesn’t he?” I reminded her. “And where are you going to go? Back to Juan?” She suddenly got very quiet.
“I’ll go see him and stay here as long as you say,” she said realizing her limitations. “I’m sorry, I’ll do better.”
“Good girl,” Diego said in a patronizing tone. He pushed her hair off of her tear stained face. “That’s what we need from you.”
ƪ
Two hours went by and it felt as though time was moving in slow motion. We were finally invited to see the boys. “Hector is awake,” the nurse told us. “He’s asking to see you,” she told Regina. “This way, Lilly,” she said, as they headed down the hallway.
She looked at Diego in disgust. “You see… he doesn’t want me.”
“Just do what you’re supposed to do,” he repeated. “It will be all right. He’s probably just groggy from the medication.”
We went into the room and Regina went to Hector. Diego and I went to Max. “Max,” I said. “Max it’s Lilly.” But he lay there motionless, breathing with the help of a ventilator.
“He’ll wake up,” Diego said. “He’s just tired, that’s all. He’ll wake up.” We walked over to Hector who was both awake and in good spirits. “At least one brother is awake,” Diego added.
“No, no…” he said. “He’s not awake. NO…!”
He started to make an attempt to get out of bed but Diego and I pushed him back down. “It’s only been a little while, Hector,” I assured him. “He’ll wake up.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
“You have to believe I didn’t want anything to happen to him.” He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. “Do you believe me, Lilly?”
“Of course,” I answered. “I’m just glad you’re up and around. You can help us wake him when you get out of here in a few days.”
“Ah… home,” he said looking up at Regina. “I can’t wait to go home and be with my family.” Regina smiled and Hector squeezed my hand.
“Junior,” I reminded Diego. “We have to deal with Junior.”
“I’ll take the lead on this, Lilly,” Diego insisted. But it was too late. He was standing at the door.
Chapter 2
The Best of Intentions
“Junior,” I said furiously. “What are you doing here? I thought Marisol was watching you.”
“I took a taxi,” he told me. “I had to see them. I had to know… are they okay?”
I quickly dialed Marisol to let her know I had Junior. Then I hung up the phone and Junior was already with Hector with his head on his chest crying. “I forgive you, Junior,” Hector said. But we have to talk about the drugs.”
“I know, Tio, I know. I promise, I’ll quit.” He had his arms wrapped around him like I had never seen before.
“Diego,” he got up and walked to him. “I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean it.”
“You were right about some things,” Diego confessed. “But I can assure you that Hector and your mother are not leaving together. Okay?”
“Yes, I believe you. Daddy sounded so sure…”
“Your daddy is really mad at us right now. Why don’t you work on trying to forgive yourself? You already know that Max has forgiven you.”
“Papi,” he said as he looked at me. “Why isn’t he awake yet? What happened?”
“I don’t know, Junior. We’ll have to visit with him a lot until he wakes up, that’s all. He’s gonna wake up,” I said. “He will, right Diego?”
“Yes, querida, he’s going to wake up. Do you think he’d just hand you over to Hector that easily?” He tried to laugh a little but we were notably too solemn.
ƪ
We picked Hector up after a few days had passed but Max was still sleeping. I brought my Yeats poetry book and read to him for a while. Diego said he’d come back later to bring me home. He looked so pale and helpless. I kissed his cheek before I started to read, No Second Troy to him. He loved that poem. He still did not move.
“Maxwell, this is not funny,” I cried. “I know you and your brother are always making jokes in times of stress but you have to wake up now.” He continued to lie there without a sound.
“He’s just tired,” Diego said, appearing out of nowhere in the doorway.
“I thought you were taking Hector home today,” I asked.
“I gave Maria the keys. She’ll be back later.” He sat in a chair by the window. “Go on; let’s hear some of this William Butler Yeats. What’s so great about him anyway?”
“Just the fact that Max loved him,” I answered.
“Loves him,” he corrected me. “He’s still with us, Lilly. You have to think positive, do you understand me?”
“Oh Diego,” I sighed. “What if….”
“Read to him,” he said again. “I want to hear about the swan. Max used to talk about the swan.” I laughed and opened the book up to Leda and the Swan and read it to Max and Diego.
ƪ
We did this for months to no avail. After a six-month period had gone by it was time for us to consider Max’s request. We all gathered together to pull him off of the ventilator. He put in his living-will that no more than six months should go by without him breathing on his own. When we gathered all together, Hector took my hand and I held my breath at the discerning moment. When we heard his first breath, Hector pulled me to his chest and I wrapped my arms around him. Max didn’t surprise us. He held his own. “I know he’s going to come back to us,” he said. “He’s a fighter, Lilly, you’ll see.”
ƪ
All this positive thinking didn’t seem to be doing us any good. It had been almost a year now. I was at the hospital every day reading to Max. Diego would drop me off and Hector would pick me up. Only today was different. “Diego,” the doctor called. “May I see you alone for a minute please?”
I looked up suspiciously. “Sure,” he answered. “Lilly, I’ll come and see you before I go.” He walked down the hallway with the doctor. I put my book down and listened by the door. “What is it, doctor Martinez? You look grave.”
“I think it’s time for you and Lilly to think about putting Max in a long term facility.”
I gasped. He was giving up.
“What are you trying to say?” Diego asked. “He’s not going to wake up?”
“It’s been a long time, Diego. It’s been my experience that in most cases when they’ve been out this long…” he paused and took a breath. “I think you need to tell Lilly to get on with her life: To stop coming here every day. It’s heart breaking to watch her, day in and day out. She’s so hopeful.”
“No,” he answered. “It’s too soon.”
“Diego, think about his wife. How hard this must be on her. She’s a young, beautiful woman…”
Diego cut him off. “Is it money?” he asked. “You know I’ve got plenty of that.”
“No, it’s not the money,” he continued. “You’ve got to let him go. Let her move on. She’s so young.”
“Stop talking about her like that,” he started. “Like you desire her.”
The doctor smiled shyly. “I think she needs a life, Diego. Let her move on.” He walked away down the hall and I quickly picked my book back up and sat back down beside Max.
“You can stop pretending,” he told me as he re-entered the room. “I know you were listening.”
“Listening to what?” I asked with the cracking of my voice obviously giving me away.
“Lilly…”
I laid the book down on the table. “I can’t let him go, Diego. Not yet.”
“No, not yet,” he agreed. He stayed with me that day and told Hector he’d bring me home. I was devastated.
ƪ
When we got home, Diego left for the church. Apparently Regina was already there waiting for him. She was at the church almost all the time these days. Hector did finally ask Diego if there was something between them but Diego found the whole thing very amusing. “She’s way too young for me,” he answered. “I think she’s too young for you.” Hector laughed. “If I were to cheat on Maria, there is only one bed I’d want to warm, and she’s a little busy right now.” We both knew what he was trying to say.
I went to bed that night, holding Max’s pillow. I heard a knock at the door and Hector peeked inside. “Come on in,” I said. I moved over in the bed, giving him room to sit beside me. I was laying down pathetically crying on Max’s pillow like a schoolgirl. He leaned over and kissed my lips ever so gently. He felt warm. “Hector,” I whispered. “I’m so lonely. I miss him so much.”
He pulled off his boots and lay next to me in the bed. He rolled over, facing me, touching my face the way he used to do. “I heard,” he responded. “What the doctor said. Diego told me.”
“This can’t be happening. We were barely back together and now it’s like…” I stopped myself. I almost couldn’t admit it. Then I whispered, “I can’t feel him anymore.”
“Lilly,” he traced my desolate lips with his finger. “You’re so beautiful.”
“Hector, please…” I turned away but he gently put his fingers under my chin and directed my eyes towards his.
“I understand that I look quite a bit like my goof-ball brother, Max,” he started. He stroked my hair back away from my face with his fingers. “Do you want me to chase the lonelies away, Lilly?” I nodded reluctantly. He got up, locked the door and got back into the bed with me. He rolled over onto his side and put his hand back on my cheek.
“Hector, can you make me forget? Just for tonight, can you take all of it away?”
“I can do that,” he whispered. “Let me make you feel better. I can love you tonight, mi cielo. I will make it all go away.” He took me into his arms. “You can even close your eyes and pretend I’m him if you want to. Just let me touch you.” I was too devastated to smile. He began to kiss my neck.
“I would never pretend it was anyone but you,” I told him. “Love me, Hector. Make me feel something again.” His hands were holding me like I was a porcelain doll. “I won’t break, I promise,” I whispered.
He pulled my T-shirt over my head and looked into my eyes in a way I hadn’t seen before. He slowly grazed his lips against mine until our tongues became tangled up together and I could no longer tell if I was breathing or not. He pulled back for a second as though he might be changing his mind. I couldn’t let that happen.
“Oh my God, Hector,” I pulled him to me. “I need you so much. Please… make love to me.” That was all he needed to hear. There was nothing dirty, or silly about it: just pure, tender love. He stripped down in his usual modest manner and carefully undressed me. He parted my legs with his and I felt chills go up my spine. I couldn’t wait any longer.
I needed him. I wanted him.
He reached down to where his jeans were lying on the floor and pulled some protection out of his pants’ pocket. I could hear the package rip as he slipped it on before gliding inside of me. “Oh God,” I whispered. It had been so long since I felt anyone’s hands on my body. It felt like the first time. He ran his fingers around my breasts and caressed each one gently with his lips. He kissed me when I shivered to keep me quiet and then brought me there again and again until he could no longer hold out. He pulled me close with such force that I felt we were truly inside of each other both physically and emotionally. He gave himself to me; I could see it in his eyes. When it was all over, he didn’t let me go right away. We were holding onto each other as though we knew we would sink into a sea of idleness if we let go for even a second. He finally collapsed on his back and I lay my head on his hard chest.
“I have never needed you more,” he admitted. He ran his fingers through my hair as I snuggled closer. “Are you all right or did I just make things worse?”
“No, you didn’t make anything worse.” I assured him. “I needed to be touched. I needed to feel wanted.” I curled up under his arm. “Thank you, Hector. Thank you for making me forget. For awhile, anyway.” He put both of his hands on my face and kissed me.
“I’m not sure I should have opened up that old wound,” he added. I knew he was right. I felt it too.
We held each other for a little while and the silence was deafening. It was in the air… the forbidden three little words were like the elephant in the room, taunting us. “You know I’ve never gotten over you,” I told him. “It still kills me watching you… with her.”
“I will always want to be with you,” he added. “Sometimes I just can’t stay away.” I breathed out a sigh of relief.
“Can you stay with me tonight?” I asked.
He turned and took my chin with his fingers again. I looked into his eyes, knowing what he was going to say. “Oh mi cielo, if I only could. I so desperately want to hold you in my arms all night long. But… Regina.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to conceal the tears that were forming in my eyes. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me?”
“Are you okay for me to go now?” he asked. “I can stay a little longer if you want me to.”
I wrapped my arms around his chest and he stroked my hair. I didn’t have to say a word. He stayed for a while but we both realized when it was time for him to leave. He got up, got dressed and I slipped my nightclothes back on. He sat back down and kissed me a few more times. “Will you be back?” I asked.
“As many times as you’ll have me?” He had his button down shirt still undone as he opened my bedroom door to leave. Regina was standing on the other side of it and she slapped him across the face with brute force before we had a chance to catch our breath. He fell backwards a little bit as she stood there with her arms folded. I put my hands over my mouth in horror. We were caught. There was no denying it now.
“Why do you love her?” she yelled. “I do everything for you! I had your baby! Why do you still love her?” She walked passed Hector to me but he grabbed her and pulled her back.
“No!” he shouted. “I went to her and asked her for it,” he said quite seriously. “She was here alone, desperate. This is my fault, I took advantage.”
“Stay away from my husband!” she shouted. “Leave him alone!”
“Regina, I never told you I loved you. I’ve been honest about Lilly from the start.” He was still holding her back and she was struggling furiously in his arms to get to me.
“Are you saying you won’t stay away while Max is in a coma? Is that what you’re saying to me?”
“I can’t make you any promises. It’s not like I’m sleeping around. It’s just Lilly. It’s always been just Lilly.”
“It would be better if it were random girls… at least I could fight against meaningless sex. But this isn’t just sex, is it? This is much more than that.”
“It’s way more than that,” he confessed. “It always has been. For both of us.”
“NO!” she screamed. Her voice was so loud and uninhibited that it was blood curdling. “Stay away from her! Stay away or I’ll…” She ran towards me again but he grabbed her in mid-flight. Diego came racing into the room.
“Hector?” he asked. “Do you have this under control?”
“Yes,” he answered and he grabbed Regina by the waist, who was still fighting him vehemently and left the room with her. Diego sat beside me on the bed.
“Is there something you want to tell me?”
“Diego, I have made such a mess of everything.” He pulled me up so that I was sitting and hugged me.
“I’m not lying down with you after what I think just happened here.” He smiled.
“I was lonely… I needed him… he even looks like him, Diego.” I looked down at the ground so I wouldn’t have to look him in the eye. “He even feels like him. I miss him so much.”
“Are you sure that’s what this is all about Lilly-pad?” he asked. It always made me laugh when he called me that: But not this time.
“I don’t understand,” I looked at him a little confused.
“Come on now,” he continued. “Max and Hector are not the same person. You know that better than anyone. Especially not in the bedroom.”
I could feel my face flush. “And how would you know that?” I asked, trying not to smile.
“I live with you, Lilly. I hear things.” This time it was his face that began to flush a little. “Hector and you have a certain, undeniable chemistry. I hate it, but it’s there.”
“What are you saying, Diego? Just put it out on the table, already.”
“You and Max were still very fragile when that infamous day happened.” I took a breath, knowing what was coming next. “When Junior walked into the kitchen waving that gun around, you jumped in front of Hector. You were willing to take a bullet for him.”
“Diego don’t…”
“You were still in love with him then. You are still in love with him now. If Max didn’t jump in front of you…”
“I’m going to hell, aren’t I?” I interrupted.
He laughed a little and took my face into his hands. I looked up at him like a wounded puppy. “We need to concentrate on waking up Max,” he said, obviously amused by my denial. “If Hector gets you through… then that’s what you do to get through.”
“You’re not angry?” I asked. “Disappointed?”
“I wish it was me,” he said smiling. “But you do what you need to do and I’ll protect you. You know that already, right?”
“You mean you think Regina is going to kill me, don’t you.”
“I will handle Regina,” he continued. “It concerns me though that the two of you are still so attached. I want you to want to wake up Max. Can I count on you, Lilly?”
“Of course,” I answered beginning to get a little angry at his assumption.
“You are still in love with Hector, aren’t you?”
“Diego stop…” we looked at the door and Hector was standing in the entranceway. “This is between Lilly and me. This is none of your concern.”
“It is of my concern if it affects Max’s recovery,” he argued. “I want my brother back.”
“We would never stand in the way of that,” he answered. “I’m a little disappointed that you would even say that out loud.”
“Hector, did you have to bed her? She’s so very fragile right now.”
“Stop it, just stop it!” I yelled. “He didn’t bed me. We made a mutual decision. I know it wasn’t a smart one, but I am just as responsible as he is.”
I could see Diego was beginning to get agitated. He did want it to be him. That was never going to change. He turned to Hector and changed the subject. “Where’s your wild cat?” he asked.
“In our bedroom with the door locked. Maybe I can stay with you, after all,” he added, smiling at me.
“You and Hector are really bad at the affair thing. It’s supposed to be a secret. You need to keep that in mind,” Diego reminded us.
“She was at the door when…” he paused. “When I was leaving.”
“This just gets uglier and uglier,” Diego observed. “What did you do, Hector? Come in here, do her and leave?”
“Diego!” I scolded.
“I wanted to stay but… I’m married, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember,” he answered. “The best of intentions I’m sure, but Regina is really hurting this time.”
“I don’t know what to do about that. I’ve never lied to her,” Hector admitted. “Maybe that’s the problem.”
“Stay with Lilly tonight,” Diego suggested, finally accepting defeat. “Regina will just put you on the couch anyway. Just get up early so it’s not so obvious, okay?”
“Thanks Diego,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You’re the best.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” he responded. “Always the best friend, never the lover.” He left us alone and Hector stripped down to his boxers. He snuggled up behind me and we spooned all night. When morning came we made love to each other one more time before he had to leave. When he left, I felt a tearing of my soul. He blew me a kiss before leaving nothing behind but the dull scent of his cologne. I fell back into the bed… alone.
Chapter 3
The Idea
I couldn’t face Regina after Hector left that morning. I stayed in bed, even though I could hear them clamoring away in the kitchen. I hid my head under the covers praying that my shame would wear off sooner rather than later. Hector was undoubtedly dealing with her wrath by now. After a little while, Diego came into my room, uninvited, with a tray full of food in his hands. “Good morning, sleepy head.” I sat up and he put the tray on my bed.
“Diego, what are you doing?”
“I wanted to make sure you ate something. After all, you had quite a night last night.”
“Oh God, what have I done?” I asked picking up the hot coffee he made for me and sipping it.
“Are you okay? Talk to me.”
“I miss him, I want him with me.”
“We’ll go visit him today, Lilly.”
“Hector,” I corrected. “I want to be with him.”
“He’s downstairs right now trying to get back into Regina’s bed. You want that, Lilly? Really..?”
“What?” I asked. I really wasn’t sure what would happen next. I didn’t think that far ahead.
“Let me be the one. You keep going back and forth between them. Neither one is enough. I can be enough.” I sat there stunned at his suggestion.
“I never thought you’d take it that far,” I looked over Diego’s head and Hector was standing just inside the room. “Why would you tell her something like that?”
“That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?” he asked. “Begging for her forgiveness?”
“I told her I was sorry I hurt her. But I did not apologize for making love to Lilly last night.” The room got deathly quiet. Diego stood up and glared at Hector before he left the room without even looking back at me. “It’s getting bad, isn’t it?” he asked. “He’s starting to pressure you.”
“Yes,” I answered. “It’s starting to get uncomfortable.” I took a few bites of my scrambled eggs and a small nibble of my toast.
“Do you want to talk about what happened last night or…” He paused. “Or was it just that… one night?”
“Hector, Lilly!” Diego shouted from downstairs. “Johnny’s verdict is in. Get dressed, we have to go!” Hector and I looked at each other for a moment. Then without a word, he turned and left the room.
The three of us went to the sentencing. Junior wanted to come but that was too harsh a memory in the making so I made him stay behind. Johnny was waiting in the front of the room with his lawyer when we got there. Hector, Diego and I sat together in the back. Johnny was scanning the room looking for us. When he spotted us, he looked away. That worried me.
The jury sentenced him to life in prison. I blew out a breath of relief. As he walked by us with the guards he said, “Lilly, I will make sure you pay for this; you and your boyfriend there. I will make sure you suffer.” He said it so calmly that I got shivers up my spine. Hector put his arm around me and squeezed me tightly.
“It’s going to be okay, Lilly,” he assured me. When we left I couldn’t shake the cold, damp feeling of danger off of my body.
ƪ
Diego and Hector doubled security and Juan called several times with threats but they never shared with me the conversations until he and his brother actually showed up. They were stripped of their guns before getting to the door and Hector made sure we had guards watching them as they came inside.
“What is it now?” Diego asked with obvious disdain. “Regina is off limits, I thought we made that clear.” I could see Regina from the corner of my eye coming down the stairs.
“My brother seems to be fond of your other house guest.” They both looked at him curiously. “Max is gone, she’s available, no?”
“No,” Hector replied.
“I thought you were married to my girlfriend,” Juan reminded him. “Lilly’s free, why can’t we express an interest?” I was peering out of the kitchen, horrified by what I was hearing.
“Look, if this is part of John’s revenge, just forget it,” Diego said dismissively. “Hector and I will take care of Lilly if something happens to Max. This is none of your business.”
“She is lovely,” Juan said catching my eyes with his.
“Lilly, go back into the kitchen,” Hector said without even looking behind him to see if it was me standing there. But I walked out anyway. Hector put me behind him.
“Are we to assume that you are already taking Max’s place in the bedroom?” Juan asked. Victor was staring at me with a very creepy glare.
“He is my husband, Juan!” Regina came running down from the staircase and shoved me out of the way while she took her place beside Hector. She almost knocked me over but Diego, suspecting danger, moved me behind him.
“Oh my, to be a fly on a wall in this house,” Victor said. Hector pushed Regina off of his arm as she desperately tried to cling to him.
“I see you are tired of my wild thing,” Juan added. “Does that mean I can have her back now?”
“I will never go back to you, Juan.” She grabbed at Hector again but he rolled his eyes.
“What do you want with Lilly?” Hector asked. “You know better than anyone how we feel about her. Is this part of a new game you’re playing? I will never let you have her.”
“Just what I thought,” Juan said. “You and Lilly… poor Max. What if he does wake up after all? What will you do if that happens?”
“Juan… enough already.” Diego moved his hand as to offer them a seat in the living room. “Have a seat and get whatever it is off of your chest.” They sat down on the couch. Hector and Diego sat on either side of me. Regina squeezed her body next to Hector on his other side.
“We were just checking on our cousin. Is he doing better or is there a chance that the iron man has finally been put to rest?”
“He’ll wake up,” I said. “He’s going to wake up.”
“So, Lilly is not available in the mean time?” Victor asked.
“You’re a pig, you know that,” Hector scoffed.
“You shouldn’t have said that,” Victor responded. “That was a mistake.”
“So, I can have Regina, then?” Juan asked again, ignoring his brother’s inappropriate arrogance. “Which girl are you willing to part with, Hector?” Hector looked at Diego. It looked like he was going to snap but Diego shook his head cautioning Hector.
“Go find your own girls, cousin number three,” Diego said. “They are both spoken for.”
“He’s going to wake up!” I yelled. Hector put his arm around me.
“I guess I did get to Regina third,” Juan conceded. “If I get Lilly into my bed that will make me the fifth Montiago man.” He looked over at me. “Do you sleep with anyone who isn’t a Montiago man?”
“Jorge doesn’t count,” I added angrily. They laughed at me as though I had said something funny. Hector gave me a reassuring squeeze. “Rape doesn’t count!” I shouted, revealing the uneasiness that I was now feeling.
“Let’s not forget Johnny,” Victor added, slighting my distress. “But I suspect he was the only white boy she’s ever been with.”
“Hector…” I started to shake. Hector drew his gun.
“I’m done playing. If you have something to say, say it. Then get out.”
“Johnny has asked us to take care of Lilly for him, you know, while he’s away. We have decided to see what kind of a threat Max poses: who she might be with, that kind of thing. I think we got what we have come for.” They stood up and walked out.
I sat there frozen. “They’re going to take me,” I said. “I can feel it.”
Hector took my hand. “No, no they won’t.”
Regina broke our hold on each other. “I have had it!”
Hector stood up and got a shockingly scary tone in his voice. “Leave us!” He pointed to the stairs. She glared at him and in blatant defiance, walked into the kitchen instead. He sat back down and held me.
ƪ
Hector warmed my bed a few more times before that day: Before the day that changed our lives. We began to feel that old pull and staying away from each other became increasingly more difficult as time went on. Our connection had become so very strong and Regina was difficult to be around. Not that I blamed her. I came downstairs and the boys were cooking breakfast. Junior came into the kitchen and sat in front of Hector. I knew something was going on inside of his head. I felt a wave of anxiety come over me as he put his face almost up against Hector’s. “Why?” he asked. “Why is it so hard for you to stay away? After all this family has been through, why can’t you just leave her alone?”
“Junior,” I warned. “Hush!”
“It’s a fair question,” Hector answered with authority. “But maybe it’s something we should talk about privately.”
“Why is that?” Regina asked. “You don’t want to talk about your lover in front of your wife?”
“That’s enough, Regina,” Diego scolded. “Show your husband some respect.”
“I’ll show him respect when he earns it!” she shouted. Then she got up and stormed out of the kitchen.
“I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” Hector scowled. “She’s unpleasant on a good day.”
“You can’t really blame her, can you?” Junior asked. “How long have you and mom been sleeping together and why can’t you respect Papi and stay out of her bed?”
“Junior, this is grownup stuff,” Diego said calmly. “You are too young to understand the affairs of the heart.”
“No he’s not,” Hector argued. “Junior, the purpose of every day for me is that your mother is in it.” He sighed. “I think about her all the time, I dream about her at night. I can’t stay away, I just can’t.”
“Then why are you with Papi, when you want to be with uncle Hector?” he asked me.
“It’s not that simple, sweetheart,” I explained. “Uncle Max raised you, Chris and even Amy for the first three years of her life with no judgments. He loved me when he should have let me go. He has never turned his back on me. I can’t walk away from that.”
“Let me simplify this for you, Junior,” Diego interjected. I could feel my heart begin to beat more rapidly in anticipation of what might come out of his mouth. “Max is home. He’s safe and warm… like a pair of fuzzy slippers.”
Hector laughed and said, “Oh no…”
“Hector,” he paused. “Hector is your mommy’s walk on the wild side. He’s the sweet chocolate cake on the counter that she just can’t resist.”
Hector and Junior were laughing but I interrupted. “Oh my gosh, that is so not true.”
“He’s close, though,” Hector agreed. “But seriously, Junior, it’s not just sexual.”
“Dear God make it stop!” I put my hands over my face. I was absolutely mortified.
“It’s more than that.” Hector continued, casually. “She counts on me to keep a cool head. To make sure everything in her life is balanced. I think if she had met me first, things would be different.”
“Junior, you can’t say a word to Max,” I told him. “Do you understand me? I don’t care what you think you heard. You keep quiet.”
“Yes,” he said. “I understand. I would never hurt him like that.” Then he looked at the floor. “If Uncle Max doesn’t wake up…”
“He will wake up,” I told him.
“But if he doesn’t…” He looked at Hector. “Will you marry her?” Then he looked at Diego. “Or will that be your job?”
“You ask a lot of questions, Junior.” Diego was beginning to get annoyed.
“I would leave Regina and beg your mother to take me,” Hector answered. “But it won’t come to that.”
“Maybe if Uncle Max thought you were going to propose… he’d come back.”
“I don’t know,” Hector replied. “I wish it was that easy.”
“Junior,” Diego started, coming back into the conversation. “If you do ever turn out like me, you need to know you can not dip your hands into the candy jar. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“He will never be like you,” I said sharply. “Like you were, I mean, Diego.” I realized what I had said way too late. “I’m sorry I said that.”
“No, it’s a well deserved observation. No more using.” He looked at Junior for a comment.
“No selling either,” Hector reminded him. “I mean it, Junior. Nothing good comes from that world.”
“Look at you and mommy. You wouldn’t even know her if not for this world.”
“She’d be a lot better off if she wasn’t all mixed up with us,” Hector added.
“I disagree,” I replied. “I consider myself to be a very lucky girl. I have three wonderful men looking out for me.” Diego smiled shyly and looked down.
“I guess it’s time for me to ask Maria the question.”
“Marriage?” I asked.
“It is becoming profoundly obvious that you are going to end up with one of the boys. Unless they both die in some kind of ambush…” he sighed. “No, I’m not planning one.” Hector laughed. “I think I’m losing this battle. Time for me to have a few children of my own.”
Hector got up and hugged him. “That is great news.”
I threw my arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. “I love you, Diego, you know that.”
“But not enough,” he noted.
“Just not in that way,” I answered. “I think Maria will make you a wonderful wife.”
“You mean not in the, oh my God! Hector, kind of way?”
“Still in the room,” Junior said. “Child in the room.”
“Sorry,” Diego replied. Hector’s face was bright red.
“Yeah,” I said. “Not in that way.”
“Okay then,” he picked up his car keys. “I’m going to go buy a ring.” He walked out looking as though he had finally given up.
“What is it about you, mommy?” Junior asked. “Why all three? I don’t get it?”
“Wait till you get a little older, son. Wait till you meet your Lilly. It will become agonizingly clear,” Hector told him.
“I’m going to the hospital,” I interrupted. “Can you give me a lift, Hector?”
“Yes, I’ll drop you off and come back later,” he said. “I think I may have an idea.”
Chapter 4
Fight Me for Her
When I got to the hospital room Diego was already there, praying over Max. He had his hands on him and was asking God to heal him. I sat down at the window. When he was done he sat beside me. “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?” he asked. “Laying my hands on him… praying…”
“I have almost lost hope, Diego. If you think it will help, then I’m all for it.” Then I realized he was supposed to be proposing to Maria right now, not sitting in a hospital room with Max and me. “Where’s Maria?”
“I couldn’t do it,” he answered. “I love her but not the way…” He took my hand. “Not the way I should.” He got up and walked over to the window and stared outside. “I don’t want to end up like Hector. In love with you and married to someone I don’t really love.”
“Diego…”
“Don’t,” he said turning to look at me. “Don’t you dare pity me. You know in your heart that you’d be better off with me. You go back and forth over and over again. The truth is that you can’t really decide between them. Max is not loyal and Hector is not safe. For goodness sakes you made love to Hector last night and here you are again at the hospital in the morning.”
“Diego, shhh…” It was like he wanted Max to hear that.
“He’s going to know. If he wakes up soon, he will know.” He took my hands. “I can make you happy in every way. You won’t need the boys anymore. Marry me Lilly. Let me take care of you.”
“What the… are you serious?” A voice came in from behind us. It was Hector.
“Would you stop sneaking up on us!” Diego shouted.
“He moved!” I said. “I saw his hand twitch.” I wasn’t lying; I did see Max’s hand move. It appeared that he was responding to our conversation.
“It was probably involuntary, Lilly.” Diego added.
“Or…” Hector interrupted. “He heard you ask Lilly to marry you. Just imagine…” He winked at me. Then he got on one knee. “Lilly, will you marry me?”
“Hector, what are you doing?” I asked.
“Marry me, Lilly. He’s not going to wake up. The doctors told us. It’s over.” He motioned for Diego to sit back down and he complied, rolling his eyes. I could see Max’s fingers move a little. I pointed to them and Hector nodded.