HOW I BECAME A FEARLESS WOMAN

By

Pamela Jansen

*****

Copyright © 2012 by Pamela Jansen

All rights reserved.

SMASHWORDS EDITION, License Notes

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The contents of this book are based on actual experiences as recalled and/or investigated to the best ability of the authors. Some of the names of those involved have been changed. Comments of a personal nature regarding any persons or organizations are the sole opinions of the authors. No legal advice is intended.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise – without prior written permission of the copyright owners.

*****

DEDICATION

This book is first and foremost dedicated to my Heavenly Father, for without Him I am nothing. To my mom Rosie, who has given of herself, even at the times when loving me and putting up with my frustrations, was such a difficult thing to endure, thank you mom. Was I worth it? In her eyes, yes, but at times it was only in her eyes.

I thank my sister Marilyn, who decided to become a registered nurse after my accident. My big sister who is so artistic and intelligent helped me put this into the book format. She created three other books called the Amaryllis of Hawaii series. Thank you, sistah, you rock.

To my OT mom, I called her that because to me, OT stood for an abbreviation of other mom.

Actually, it was around the time I worked as an assistant Occupational Therapist and my OT mom, Mary Jo Griffin, opened her heart along with her home so that I would have a place to stay when I needed to be closer to my activities. She passed away on June 29, 2007. I love and miss you OT mom, Mary Jo Griffin, my mentor.

I thank all of my doctors; my Orthopedic surgeons Dr. Douglas Garland, Dr. Richard Feldman and Dr. Tye J. Ouzounian, my Neurologists Dr. Fawaz Faisal, Dr. Freder­ick Amerongen, my Nephrologist Dr. George Fischmann, my Otolaryngologist Dr. Warren Line, my Dentists Dr. David Farkas and Dr. Eric VanDuser, my Obgyns, Dr. Brian Fenmore, Dr. Wayne Furr and Dr. Everett Wood, and my eye doctor Dr. George Rajacich.

Thank you Fred Plessner, David Directo, Ila, Linda, Kip, Vanja and the rest of Occupational and Physical Therapists at St. Joseph’s Hospital Medical Center in Burbank, California. Thanks also to Russell Lee Physical Therapy. I thank my attorneys Ned Good and Barry Novack. My photographer Mary Ann Halpin is the lady responsible for me being featured in the book, Fearless Women: Midlife Portraits by Nancy Alspaugh and Marilyn Kentz photographed by Mary Ann Halpin. Thank you, Mary Ann, for believing in me. I love you, dear.

* * * * *

FOREWORD

It is often said that life is not about the things that happen to you but instead the grace with which you handle them. Pamela is an actress I met online, then in person, then cast in a movie. When I think of Pamela Jansen, I immediately think of two words: grace and fearlessness.

Grace because she is a model for all who struggle with any of life’s unexpected challenges, no matter how large or small. Fearlessness, because of her willingness to charge into life’s unknown adventures, fully aware that the experi­ence of living is the ultimate gift.

Pamela’s story is inspiring, her courage outstanding, despite the fact that on a night nearly 30 years ago, she wasn’t expected to live through until morning. Her life changed forever.

Pamela never lets “what happened” define her, she has defined herself! She is the blonde who raises cane and I can’t imagine a more delightful storyteller to spend some time with. Enjoy the gift that is this book by Pamela Jansen.

Consider yourself blessed for having had the opportunity to get to know her a little better. Remember that every day is a gift. And know that everything that “happens” in life is an opportunity to display your own fearless grace.

Foreword by Bonnie Gillespie

Cricket Feet Casting, Hollywood, California 2007

*.*.*.*.*

INTRODUCTION

This is my story about how I learned to overcome the effects of a traumatic brain injury, after my devastating car accident. I am just the average woman, who ran into misfortune. It could have happened to anyone.

We all have a choice though, when something of this nature happens, to just exist, or to pick up and live a full life, by learning how to deal with limitations. I chose the latter. My intentions in writing this are that I wanted to share, not just with accident victims, but also with the person who has lost any hope to see that change is possible. I am referring to the change in our outlook on us. We must love ourselves. I believe that is where inner peace and healing begin. I grew up figure skating, until I eventually trained to enter Ice Capades. I remember performing on the ice at the Los Angeles Forum, while auditioning. It was so smooth I felt as if I was gliding on glass.

The reactions of the panel were that my skating was good, but my thighs were too big. They went on to say that, with constant travel between shows, there’d be no time to repair costumes if the seams were split. Since I was young and had no thoughts regarding limitation of time, my reaction to their decision was. I’ve practiced long enough and now they want more? I don’t think so. I was disappointed but not distraught. I will say though, that that similar determination to work for something would come in handy at a later point of this one’s life. Years later I was an instructor for Jack La Lanne’s Health Spa. Guess what? No more heavy thighs! It was not the kind of job with a future though. Later on, I was hired as a prop maker for Warner Bros. Studios. I worked on such shows as Wonder Woman, Fantasy Island, Eight Is Enough... I also took jobs on my own, designing and constructing stained glass windows.

A certain night, December 6th, 1978 on my way home from work, I was broad sided by a truck, and fell into a coma. I awoke sometime in January 1979, but it still took me an additional 5 weeks to regain awareness. Now that I am awake, I haven’t stopped. Hurdle after hurdle might have slowed me down temporarily, but I knew there was a reason that I was still here. I even attempted to return to my old job at the studios, but was unable to keep up. Another hurdle.

I knew for a fact that God allowed me to remain here on earth, but there were times when the reasons seemed very cloudy. I also knew that everyone of us had struggles of some sort or another, but life had become very challenging for me. Say that you’ve been striving very hard for something and you are just beginning to see the fruits. Suddenly, there’s this feeling of insignificance trying to tell you to just give up, that you will never achieve. Don’t listen. All of us have that weak inner self that is so much against our succeeding because it is scared and until we learn to recognize that voice, it has won.

I enrolled in Bible College sometime around August of 1985 and graduated in May of 1989. During those years, I came to realize that it’s okay to be different, because, I am enough. That, friends who couldn’t look past my im­perfections and see my heart, well they were not the kind of friends that I needed. Once again, my goals in writing this book are not only to share my story with accident victims but also for the person who has not experienced a physical loss, yet they are struggling emotionally.

Ever since the day I began sharing my story with people, it was if I had been buttered up and frosted like an angel food cake. No one wanted to see me hurt any more than I had been already. To them Pam was such an example of courage. What had yet to be witnessed though, was the anger inside, pushed down so deep that even I was not about to confront it. I was furious that this happened. Why me? Why not me was the question I had to accept.

The realization would not arrive overnight. I speak to different groups about my story and how to never lose hope, or they will give in to that fear of defeat. Acting became a love of mine that I am not about to shake. I began studying in 2001 because I realized, if I can’t get there behind the camera, I’ll get there in front! This isn’t intended to be a self-help book, as I am just sharing my experiences and how I myself endured them. Then again if it helps you in any way then more power to you.

The time was around 11:00 p.m. when I turned onto my street. My house was a block down past the stop sign. I was planning on walking in the front door and heading directly to my bed, because I needed to be at the studios at 6:00 a.m. I approached the stop sign and unable to view oncom­ing traffic due to overgrown hedges I edged out. Along came a pickup truck, traveling at an estimated rate of fifty miles per hour. I was broad sided by that truck. Later on I was told that the truck left fifty- six feet of skid marks and pushed my car another ten feet.

Since the accident was only a block from my house, Mom heard the whole thing. With a mother’s intuition, my mom instantly arose and she ran down the street. There it was, my red Pinto. She ran to the car and there I was, shoved under the glove compartment.

As it turned out, the yard that my car was pushed into was the house of the parents of a paramedic, who had by chance been visiting them at that moment. The paramedic Jack Barber saved my life. He was off duty when he ran outside after hearing the crash. I was told that he lifted my chin to open my airway as my mangled body laid waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

I had been thrown across the inside of the car, pushed over the stick shift and the back of my head smashed into a broken door handle. That was the night I left my former life behind.

* * * * *

SECTION ONE

It’s the wee early hours of the morning and the sun is beginning to peek over the hills. The Hollywood sign is becoming visible. It’s a bit chilly but I don’t care, to be working on the show “Wonder Woman” is enough to get me motivated. Heading towards the stage, rubbing my hands together as I blow on them to keep warm I step inside. The stage where the show will be filmed starts out as a hollowed out building and becomes a lifelike creation of whatever it’s meant to be.

I am looking around at the beginning of a project, full of workers, building different structures. Some of the guys have a cigarette in one hand and a hammer in the other. When they proceed to set a nail in, they hold the butt with the edge of their lip. The foreman is already assigning jobs to the workers, so I walk up to him, leaning over to read his name, “Hi Dave.”

“Hi Pam,” he’s glancing at his clipboard, “ready to go? You’ll be working with Steve over there.”

“The guy with the red hair?” I say as I’m walking over to find my partner. “Hi Steve, I’m Pam. Where should I start?”

He’s giving me the once over, looking like he approves. “Hi Pam, so you’re my partner for today. My, my, it’s gonna be rough.”

“Please Steve, don’t make me stand out any more than I already do.”

“OK partner, first we need to build these door frames.” He held up the prints. “I’ll go gather supplies.”

“What should I do Steve? I can’t be standing around.” Too late, he didn’t even hear me, now what? I’ll just try to appear as if I’m studying these prints, even though they’re totally Greek to me. I wonder if anyone notices. Steve walks up with the wood, so I anxiously pull him aside.

“You understand don’t you? I just don’t want to stand out and be looked at.”

“Don’t worry Pam, it will happen. You won’t be just one of the guys, but they’ll get used to having you around. Now come on, look the part.”

Work is going smooth, although I sure am following him around a lot. “Lunch,” the foreman yells.

“Hey Pam can I buy you lunch?”

“Thanks anyway Steve, but then I wouldn’t be just one of the guys.” I actually wanted to do some star searching on my lunch break.

It is such a gorgeous day and what an exciting place to be for work. Tattoo from Fantasy Island passes me and I wave hi. OK so I’m still star searching. Cafeteria food there in that exciting atmosphere was a treat. Time to get back, wonder who else I’ll see.

I continue walking towards the set, when I turn the corner and oh my God John Travolta looks at me and says “Hi.”

“Hi,” I’m just trying to keep my composure. The adrenaline is pumping. I am definitely going to enjoy this place and getting paid to be here.