How to Make an Awesome Groom Wedding Speech
Michael ARnot
Copyright Groove Media LLC 2012
Published by Groove Media
First, the Good News.
It’s going to be easy to learn how to make a groom’s wedding speech, and with this book, you’re going to be much more comfortable doing so. We’re going to teach you how.
This is your opportunity to shine – to impress your friends, family and most importantly, your parents, your father and mother-in-law and your bride. In a very public way, you’ve got an opportunity to seal up some serious bonus points in two to five minutes. Guys, this is a win-win scenario if ever we saw one! Even if you’ve never made a speech in your life, we’re going to show you how to get the job done and look like a champ.
WIN!
What We Cover
What Do They Want From You
Five Things That Make a Great Speech
How to Identify Your Audience
Creating Your Groom Wedding Speech
A Sample Outline and Speech
The Difference Between a Groom’s Wedding Speech and a Toast
How to include a Toast
Stories are made for telling…
Making the Audience Laugh
Practice Makes Perfect. Or at least pretty damned good anyway
How to be cool, calm and collected even if inside your heart is pounding
The Order of Events
GO Time
Avoid These 5 Groom’s Wedding Speech Traps
Expecting The Unexpected
What Do They Want From You?
Why you?
You’re the groom, and you are the second most important person at the wedding. (If you have to guess who is the most important person at the wedding, then your mother-in-law is going to be seriously unhappy…).
As the groom, you’re acting as part host, part center of attention, and the representative of you and your bride as a couple. As wedding traditions go, you’ll be called upon to “respond” to the Father-of-the- Bride, who is the host of the wedding. The Father-of-the-Bride offers the first toast at the wedding, traditionally presenting it to the newlyweds. That said, in modern weddings, the groom is often not the second person to get up to the mic and start speaking. Indeed, often the groom is the last person to speak, after the best man has roasted the groom, and the bride has said her piece as well.
The good news is that the order of weddings speeches and toasts is quite fluid. The bad news is that rare is the wedding where the groom – you – isn’t called upon to “make some remarks.” To do it right, a couple of weeks before the wedding – call it three - you’ll need to take a trip down memory lane, have a beer and get a little bit sentimental, organize your thoughts, and practice, practice, practice once you’ve got them all down.
When you’ve done all the necessary preparation, it’ll be time to stand and deliver.
What do they want from you?
As we mentioned above, the groom is seen as the representative of the couple. Accordingly, the audience wants to hear from you – for the very first time as a married couple – about your feelings for your bride now that you’ve tied the knot. You’ll want to be humorous, engaging, thankful and elicit an “Awww” at least once from the ladies—and the sensitive guys-- as you praise—or gush over-- your new bride. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. With this speech you will extol the virtues of your father and mother-in-law, your parents and guests – and your bride – all without making an ass of yourself. It’s your chance to shine – and it’s the one time where you’ll make a speech and everyone will be inwardly cheering you on, in your corner and wanting you to succeed.
Five Things That Make a Great Speech
It’s probably been a while since you’ve made a speech. In fact, the last time you were called upon to do so was in sixth grade, it was an embarrassing experience, and some other kid (geek!) was the top speaker. But – believe it or not – you have within you the ability to make a back-slapping, tear-jerking, date-yielding speech.
Follow us, and follow the greats. Unlike Churchill, MLK, JFK or Lincoln, you’re not trying to convince a country to go to war or pass legislation with this one, but if you look at all of the great speeches of all time, you start to see patterns emerge: the things that time and time again make for a show-stopping speech…or at least a darned good and memorable one. Here’s a rundown of the things that most great speeches have:
They are well-researched
They have a solid structure (beginning, middle, and end),
There is plenty of emotion/sincerity behind them
There is usually a personal story tied to it – (aka an anecdote).
There is a strong theme that is introduced and repeated with room to build.
They are made by damn good looking men. Most of us — me included — fail hard here.
Mimicking the Greats
Structure
Road trips in college are awesome, because they’re an adventure with a destination – maybe - but no sense of urgency. Speeches that are like college road trips? Not so much. Your speech will be much less effective if you launch into a longwinded, sentimental story (“So there was this time once, back in 2002—I think it was 2002— guys can you help me out here? when Ben and I - at least I think it was Ben – and we had this car…”) and then abruptly close with a toast. Take the time to tell the guests what you are about to say, have some anecdotes prepared, then sum everything up before raising your glass. The easier you make it for your audience to follow, the more effective your speech will be. More on that later.
Research
In your case, research is all about reminiscing and putting into words some of the memories you’d like to share in your speech. Since some of these might be from long ago, far away, or clouded in a haze of (some possibly illegal substance) from those heady days when you first met your lovely future bride, it’s important that you try to nail down (or confirm with friends and family who can attest to) the dates, names and places that factor into your anecdote(s).
Emotion/Sincerity
You’re basically going to get to the podium to spill your guts thanking everyone who attended your wedding, your father and mother-in-law, your best man and your bride in a way that you wouldn’t if you were sitting around drinking a beer and watching the playoffs. You probably have at least some great memories that get you kind of choked up from time to time when you think of them. (You don’t have to admit it to us.) Pranks, heartbreaks, near-death adventures…these are the times you want to draw on for the sense of emotion that every great speech calls for. We’ll help you spit it out later.
Anecdotes
These are the stories that zoom in from the general to the personal to illustrate the love you have for this woman sitting beside you. Just imagine someone interviewing you and asking you for the stories that best describe your feelings for each other. Your answer should help you come up with your anecdotes.
Theme
A theme may be a little bit more advanced than you need with this speech, but you’ll find that most great speeches have them. Just like the hook of your favorite song, a theme in a great speech is introduced early on and is repeated strategically through- out. You don’t need to get all “Life is like a box of chocolates” on this crowd if it feels phony to you (because it will feel phony to your audience), but if you’ve come up with theme that really applies to the content of your speech, that really works, use it by all means.
Identify Your Audience
Who are these people, why are they staring at me, and why am I turning red in the face? You may have had to make a speech or give a presentation at some point in school or at work. Your audience was a healthy mix of colleagues, friends, enemies, with mostly harmless and indifferent faces. A wedding audience is no different. (Although we hope there aren’t any enemies present and you definitely won’t be receiving any kind of grade, promotion or demotion based on this speech.) Believe it or not, people actually do look forward to the groom’s speech and everyone will connect to your speech in their own way.
The type of speech you’d give next to the grill in the bride’s back yard is not necessarily the same speech you’d give in the banquet hall of four-star hotel. Weddings come in two flavors: laid back and stuffy Couples these days plan beach destination weddings, decadent weddings at hotels complete with harps and expensive flowers and weddings that are everything in between. Your wedding will be no different. Create your speech with your wedding in mind. The speech you’d give at a wedding featuring a back-yard BBQ at your new in-laws’ place is obviously not the same speech you’d give in the banquet hall of four-star hotel. We’re talking the level of formality here, and it will only make your life easier to take the temperature before you put pen to paper. The speech we suggest here is perfectly suited for any occasion – but you should be careful not to be too lowbrow. “Roasting” is the job of the best man and/or the MC.
Creating YOUR Wedding Speech
The time has come to set yourself up for a grand slam of a groom’s wedding speech. This is kind of like grilling technique: First thing you do is choose your cuts and quality and marinades. The more thorough you are about how those steaks are prepared, the more delicious they’re going to be when they come sizzling off the grill.
The Skeleton: Creating the Structure of Your Speech
There is a basic structure to every awesome groom’s wedding speech and it goes something like this:
Tell them WHO you are.
Tell them WHAT you are going to tell them.
Thank These People: Your Guests The Father and Mother-of-the-Bride Your Parents Your Bride, and move on to the next item
Tell them THREE stories, linking them together:
How you met the Bride
A funny story from your relationship
Top 5 Reasons Why you LOVE the Bride
Propose a toast to the Bride.
If you simply create a speech following this outline, you’re going to deliver the best groom’s wedding speech anyone has heard—at least to date. It’s deceptively simply. Before we proceed, read this next paragraph closely. It’s the secret sauce to any good speech.
You probably noticed item 2 above – “Tell them WHAT you’re going to tell them.” And you might have skipped over it, thinking about crazy nights back in college or that time you got arrested. (Ahh – memories.) But the most important part of your speech is to tell the audience in advance what the heck you’re going to cover. You may doubt us and wonder what’s the point of telling your audience what you’re about to tell them in your speech before you actual tell them. The reason is because most people don’t do that, and that is exactly why people tune out after 30 seconds. Nobody will pay attention to you rambling on and on if they think there is no destination. It doesn’t matter if you’re the president or the groom at his own wedding. Tell them where you’re going. Summarize your outline in one or two sentences. If you tell them in advance, they’ll know what to expect, and will pay attention because they know that you’ve got an organized mind, and speech.
Here’s how to put it all together:
Write the Speech Structure, Only
First, come up with your anecdotes – three of them. Answer the following: How did you meet the bride? Add a funny story about your relationship… or the bride—but tread lightly there. How about a self-deprecating story about you? “Neither of us can parallel park.” “You may not be aware of this, but we’re both total klutzes. Our kids are gonna have to fend for themselves… or have hard heads.”
Why is the bride the most important person in your life? Put down a few highlights on paper. Just keywords that will cue a memory for you–don’t sit down and write out the whole speech. These highlights will flesh out your speech. We have a whole chapter dedicated to anecdotes, below.
Speak Your Speech, Out Loud
The next step is to read your outline as if you were telling a couple of stories to someone you wanted to impress. Like your boss. Show some enthusiasm. Think back to when you met your bride; you’ll probably re-experience that moment emotionally. If you were trying to impress her at your first meeting, you’d deliver the stories in a funny way, and you’d be succinct. You wouldn’t flip flop, meandering around like a schmuck. Get your stories straight.
Create a One-Page Outline
Your Speech Once you’ve got your speech reasonably well crafted in your head, and you’ve spoken it out loud, put some more meat on the bones by creating a one-page outline of your speech. This still means you won’t be writing it out word for word. You should bring your one-page outline of your speech with you to the mic. (If you glance down at your sheet of paper come time to make the speech, the words “I’m the worst driver ever …” will spur a 30 second riff on that drive you shared with your bride, that you’ve already spoken out loud numerous times.)
So what goes in the outline? Take a look at the first page in this chapter and fill in a few more keywords. You’re also going to need key sentences. Key sentences are mental cues that will help you get from point A to point G in a speech. They’ll serve as memory joggers. We cover these transitioning sentences immediately below.
Create Key and Transitioning Sentences
If you followed our advice – and you’re going to follow our advice if you want to ace this, right?– you’ll have mapped out the contents of your speech in the introduction. Mapping is just one sentence that tells people what you’re going to tell them. But if you’ve noticed, there aren’t obvious transitions from story to story within your speech. You have to guide the transitions yourself.
Follow the sample speech to see some transitions, or use the following transition to spur some creativity:
Mapping Sentence: Today I want to tell you about how I met Beth back in high school. I want to tell you a little story about how bad a driver I am and how she’s not much of a navigator. But despite our crazy adventures together which I will share with you, by the end of my speech you’ll know why she’s my best friend, partner, and why I want to spend my life with her.
First Anecdote: “First, I want to share with you how I met Beth.” [Followed by the story] Transition: “Now that you know how I met Beth, let me tell you a bit about how bad a driver I am, and how Beth taught me to parallel park…[Followed by the story]” Transition: “I don’t want you to think that just because I can’t parallel park, and that she’s a little bit blind, that she’s not the best thing that’s every happened to me. Well, the truth is, there’s no other person I’d rather be with. Here’s why…]”
Putting It All Together
If you’ve practiced and now find that you consistently get through the entire speech just using the expanded outline, then you are golden, friend. No need to get more specific. But if you have a tendency to ramble or get lost when you get nervous, then read on. It’s one thing to address a flawless speech to your dog with no one else in the room, and another thing entirely in front of a hundred people all dressed to the nines. Practice giving the speech a few different ways with this formula as your guide. If you feel like you’re fumbling around in the dark every time you work from your outline, write out the speech word for word. Just keep in mind that when it comes to the actual delivery (and we cover this in a minute or two) you can’t just bury your head and read it like an elaborate birthday card that someone else gave.
You’ll still need to make eye contact and address specific people and all that good stuff. In sum - between 5 pages nicely typewritten, or 3 pages of your crappy handwriting, or one, short, sweet simple speech outline, go with what works for you. But the outline will make for the most engaging speech. Sample Outline and Speech Here’s a sample outline for a speech, followed by parts of the speech itself. We wrote the outline in a way that you can use as your own template. Maybe you need more words on the paper, or maybe you need less words on the paper. It’s up to you.
GOOD EVENING EVERYONE. I’M GREG AND I HAVE THE HONOR OF BEING THE GROOM TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN I KNOW.
It’s an outline, but you can still write out helpful sentences to get you started.
INTRO, TELL YOU 3 THINGS ABOUT BETH AND I
Look down at your paper, and in big font are keyword memory cues.
HOW I CAME TO KNOW HER I CAN’T PARALLEL PARK, and she is basically BLIND,
By the end of my speech tonight, you’ll know why she’s the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
BEFORE I BEGIN, I WANT TO THANK Father-in-law, Mother-in-Law My Mom and Dad Grandparents And of course, my lovely bride Beth
FIRST, TELL YOU HOW WE MET
Bluevale Regional High School Football TRY OUT Coach Ryan getting me to fill WATER BOTTLES Cheerleaders thought I was a total GEEK, except for one (the Bride)
SECOND, TELL YOU THE BAD DRIVER STORY STITCHES STORY: Driving 1982 Oldsmobile into a ditch while parallel parking because of her “help”. Bumping her head on the window.
FINALLY – TOP 5 REASONS SHE’S THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD:
BEAUTIFUL
ALWAYS INCREDIBLY POSITIVE
A GREAT SOURCE OF ADVICE
DROP ANYTHING TO HELP ANYONE
SENSE OF ADVENTURE TO MATCH MY OWN
AND WITH THAT, PLEASE RAISE GLASSES. [PAUSE] TO THE BRIDE!
The full speech below is written in full sentences as if Greg, the groom, was speaking it, so that you can see the transition sentences.
Good evening everyone. My name is Greg, and I have the honor of being the groom, marrying Beth, my best friend, the most beautiful woman I know. I love her tremendously.
With a strong introduction, not a weak mumble, you’ll have everyone’s attention. Stick that chest out. Don’t assume that everyone knows who you are. For real. Copy the lines above if you need to. (But don’t forget to change the name if you’re not a Greg!)
Before I go any further, I want to thank you, our friends and family, many of whom have traveled from afar to attend our wedding. I want to thank Frank and Margaret, Beth’s parents, for hosting the ceremony tonight. They have been surrogate parents for me while living away from home…[etc.] I also want to thank my parents, who have stood by me through thick and thin…[etc.] Finally, I want to recognize the most important person at this wedding, my bride, Beth.
Outline Who You Want to Thank: Everyone. Her Parents, My Parents, Beth.
Tonight I want to share with you how excited I am to be marrying Beth, and celebrating with you all today. I want to tell you three things that you might not know about Beth and I.
First, I’ll tell you how Beth and I met – back when I was barely qualified to carry the water bottles for our high school football team, and she was a cheerleader, and so I thought way out of my league.
Second, I’ll tell you how a story about us – how I learned the hard way that I can’t parallel park, and she’s not the best navigator, either. But we’ve made it through and are so happy to be here today. But most importantly, by the end of my speech tonight, you’ll know why I’m so proud to have her as my wife, and so without further ado…the top five reasons why I’m so happy she said yes.
You’ve told the audience what to expect, and where you’re going with this speech. You’ll have them in the palm of your hand, because they’ll be waiting to hear what’s next.
I first met Beth by accident. I was a captain of the bench for our high school football team, and Beth was a rookie cheerleader. One day, I was filling the water bottles by myself. Being kind of lame, I signing a song out loud to myself…[INSERT FUNNY ADAPTATION OF HOW GREG AND BETH MET]. And that’s how I knew Beth and I would have a great future together…
Most of the guests won’t know how you met the bride. If you met at a bar, “picked her up” or other awkward circumstances, you can still tell the story of “when you knew she was the one”. It’s a nice story that you’ll know well, and a time killer. Add some humorous quips and people will laugh and listen.
Now, Beth and I have shared adventures together, not the least of which were road trips to visit her at college. On one road trip, I discovered that I’m not the best at parallel parking, and Beth is truly a horrible navigator…[FUNNY STORY]
Poke fun at yourself, first. Tell a funny story about yourselves. You know what I’m talking about. More on this later to spur some memories.
Despite the two stitches, and sitting in the emergency room for ten hours, Beth decided that I’m not such a bad guy. In fact, she decided that despite all that, she accepted my idea of getting married. And there’s no one else I’d rather spend my days with – sharing more adventures in the future.
To end my speech, I’d like to present to you my top five reasons why she’s the best person in the world.
First, she’s beautiful. [EXPLAIN]
Second, she’s always incredibly positive. [EXPLAIN]
Third, she’s a great source of advice [EXPLAIN]
Fourth, she’s got a heart of gold and will drop anything to help anyone. [EXPLAIN] Finally, fifth, there’s no one else like her. She’s got a sense of adventure that matches my own.
And that my friends and family, are the reasons why I love Beth and why I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
There won’t be a dry eye in the room. Maybe not even yours. Dig deep man!
With that, ladies and gentlemen, would you please raise your glasses for a toast to my bride, Beth. [PAUSE] TO THE BRIDE!
Some Variations…
Launch your speech, after the Thank Yous, with the top five or top ten reasons why you love your bride – ie. Skip the part about how you met
Present the speech as a joint speech with your bride. Write it and present it together, as a big thank you to your parents, grandparents and friends.
Present a speech about your plans for the future, in general terms.
Prep time
How far in advance should you begin to prepare your speech? The answer is about three weeks before the wedding. Start much earlier and it might not be as fresh in your mind – kind of like that amazing pizza you decided to put in the fridge for later and promised yourself you’d eat and then…totally forgot about it. Start much later than that and you might find yourself scrambling for ideas, without having set aside time to practice. Give yourself three weeks. It’ll take less than an hour to get it all set up.
Why Not Just Wing It?
If you’re the type of guy who isn’t fazed by jumping out of an airplane, you might be tempted to abandon the outline altogether and just step up to the mic, glass in hand, and wing this speech. We strongly recommend that you don’t do that. There’s no possible way to predict the perfect storm of cocktails, strange and disarming looks, and the penetrating lasers of expectant eyes, and before you know it, that few minutes is history. And history you’d like to immediately forget…and so would everybody else. Trust us on this one. At the very least, have an outline at the ready.
How Long Should the Speech Be?
NOT Long. How long should your speech be? Everybody wants to hear everything you have to say about the bride and yourself, and everybody also wants to taste that champagne and get some serious partying going on. We think the target length of your speech should be somewhere between 2 and 5 minutes. That may seem like an eternity, but it will go by in a flash if you’re prepared.
Thanking people
This is when outlining comes in real handy. Ever seen an actor give an acceptance speech at The Academy Awards or Grammy’s forget to thank their own significant other? That’s when having and referring to an outline would have saved them from the doghouse. You won’t make that same mistake. No, you’ll have a list with all the necessary thanks, congrats, acknowledgments, and all the necessary people to thank, congratulate and acknowledge so that nothing gets left out. No doghouse for you!
Cue cards, paper or your own memory?
You make the call based on your own comfort level and based on preliminary practice with your outline. If you go the paper route, writing the full speech out, (better if you’re the nervous type) or outline – make sure to number your pages. If a breeze comes in off the bay, you’ll be able to find you place again in just a second.
Fonts and Font Sizes
Whether it’s a written speech or an outline, choose a clear font that’s bigger than 12 point – probably around 24 point - and give it plenty of space between lines so that you’re not straining to see the words. Your speech outline should be this big, in boldface type, when you print it.
The Difference Between a Groom’s Wedding Speech and a Toast You can’t have one without the other. When someone tells you that you’re expected to give a speech and someone else says you’re supposed to give a toast for this wedding, most of the time (and you can exhale now) what they mean is that you should include a toast at the end of your speech. In certain circles and countries outside of the U.S. and Canada, when someone refers to a wedding “toast” they are talking about what we know as a wedding speech. The two are one and the same. A toast in the States or north of the border in Winnipeg or someplace is like a mini-speech. It is a salute, a well-wishing to the bride and groom and their families, and it almost always involves champagne.
How to Include a Toast in Your Speech
If you’ve done a decent job telling people who you are, what you’re going to tell them, including some heartfelt anecdotes about the bride, you’re ready to conclude with a toast. Now, some people, apparently stuck in the 19th century, suggest that you include something totally ridiculous, like this:
May the stars of a thousand galaxies shine in celebration of our love. To my bride, as we journey together on this incredible trajectory: Let us grasp at the stars, reaching for our potential, beginning now for evermore. With God, and the catering crew standing at the back of the room as my witness, please raise your glasses. To The Bride!
Who says that? I don’t, nor do you. If you pull that stuff out, you’re going to be laughed at or at least, people will think you’re weird. Particularly if you typically talk trash about the Boston Red Sox on regular weekdays and have ESPN as your homepage like I do. So be real, and keep it simple. It’s your speech, and the story that you tell, that people care about, not the words of the toast…Furthermore, chances are you’re going to stumble over gushing, sappy ridiculous words like that. And chances are that it’s not going to mesh well with the earlier parts of your speech, where you’ve told the audience about your poor driving abilities. So be real, and keep it simple. It’s your speech, and the story that you tell that people care about, not the words of the toast, and certainly not the words of a toast that’s sappy. So…uhh, well - I’ll write one for you that’s easy.
The “Simple Says It Best” Wedding Toast…or less is more.
Step One: Finish your speech!
Step Two: Then say… With that, ladies and gentleman, would you please raise your glasses, and join me in a toast. [Then pause for a few seconds as people lift their glasses. Prepare yourself for the next line.] STEP THREE: Then say… To the Bride!
Easy, right? Remember, pause while people raise their glasses. Ready yourself. Stick out your chest. Speak to the back of the room. Say it with conviction. Go out with a bang, not a whimper!
Stories Are Made For Telling
Ahh - story time! We’ve enjoyed story time since we were little kids…only this time the kids are all grown up and holding a nice cold adult beverage in their hands. Your audience is primed and ready to hear some funny, engaging – and dare we say it – touchingly romantic stories that will make all the women cry—and some of the guys, too. And the first step is unlocking that memory.
Sometimes the perfect yarn comes tumbling out effortlessly and sometimes you have to work for it. The guys at GroomGroove have done a little work for you to make the load a lighter.
Trip down memory lane
Allow yourself to cast your mind back for a few minutes. Are you there yet? Do a quick mental scan of all the good and bad memories you have of the bride – your new wife - over the years. What story stands out that illustrates your bond? No doubt you’ve got at least a dozen and not all of them stories that should never, ever be shared in public, let alone when Margaret, the mother-of-the-bride, is all ears.
If you have trouble thinking of the right one or you find it’s all kind of a blur, here are some ideas of stories that might fit the bill:
The story of how you met
The story of meeting her friends, or her parents
Adventures on trips you took together
A sports activity or something you and the bride have done together over the years
Stories of unintentional vandalism make for common anecdotes
A perilous situation where your bride saved you
A perilous situation where you saved your bride
A funny story that illustrates how much you’ve changed since meeting your wife. (Ie. - Messy to organized, sleeping in to going antiquing…)
How the bride used to be and how she has changed since meeting you (for the better; even if this is a tall tale, this is the one you gotta tell)
Adventures in wedding planning
If no specific story springs to mind, think of how to describe one of the brides’s best qualities and how you’ve observed them in action over the time you’ve spent together. This makes for a pretty satisfactory speech. Come up with some of your own…and share them with the guys at GroomGroove. Make ‘em cry, buddy!
Making The Audience Laugh
You could get up and steer this ship due easily into harbor (say a few nice things about the bride and raise a glass), then hightail it back to your seat, OR you could give a real good, heartfelt speech that people might actually remember in the morning. What’s the difference? A memorable speech will not only be sincere, structured, and practiced; it will also have some humor in it. This might be a challenge for a robot but luckily you’re 100% human and humans like to laugh and make other humans laugh, too. What kind of humor does this speech need?
Humor v. Jokes
What’s the diff? A joke has its own structure. There’s a setup and a punch line. At the end of a joke, you want to hear your audience laugh out loud…or at least smile. Humor, on the other hand, is subtle and woven throughout your speech. It’s probably just you making a few quips along the way in your speech that, in context, are funny. Or maybe your delivery or your….timing.
Something like – in context: “Well, we’re all lucky I shaved that mustache, aren’t we!” In context, this kind of humor, patented by a contemporary master like Jerry Seinfeld is often much, funnier than canned jokes. Humor adds the witty flair that spices things up and keeps everyone awake. Humor should make people smile and nod – maybe even chuckle - but not necessarily do a spit take with their gin and tonic.
Save the jokes for the best man – and we’ve got several dozen canned jokes in our guide to the best man speech. You won’t need them because that’s not the point of your speech.
How much humor is the right amount?
ou know those meatheads who have totally ripped abs and huge arms and then scrawny little legs? That’s how some speeches can end up if you don’t make an effort to balance and fill them out from start to finish. This means, instead of exhausting all of your winks at the beginning of the speech or surprising everyone with sudden humor at the end (“Oh, this guy’s funny now?), sprinkling humor evenly into the speech’s beginning, middle and end. If your speech is three to five minutes long, finding five places for humor is plenty. (One at the beginning, two in the middle, and one at the end.)
Are you funny?
No, really! If you’re known as a funny guy and there’s more evidence to support this than just your mom telling you, then you’re off to a good start. The people who know you will expect you to be yourself. This speech will be an occasion to unleash an arsenal of your finest gems and zingers. If you’re more reserved, this will be an occasion to surprise them all. Sometimes the most memorable humor comes from the people you least expect to make you roll in aisles. The humor is amplified, multiplied, you get the idea when the speech is well- rehearsed, delivered effortless.
Practice Makes Perfect. Or at Least Pretty Damned Good Anyway
This speech is all you, but don’t forget that you won’t be the only one speaking at the wedding. If you’ve practiced you’re poised to deliver a standout speech. If you haven’t, your speech will stand out in a different way. So take a page out of the Larry Bird playbook and practice this one.
Once you’ve got your speech in written down (whether it’s in an outline, on cue cards, written out word for word on five sheets of 8 x 11, or set to memory), it’s time to practice this thing in the shower, in the car, and for your cousin at half- time on Sunday.
Make sure you practice out loud, rather than silently to yourself, and practice with other people, such as your girlfriend or wife. Each time you speak, go the full distance from start to finish, without stopping to say, “Wait, should I say that??” or “Oh wait, wait – let me start again.” Get through your speech at least three times before the wedding, but ideally many more times, from start to finish. The more you practice, believe it or not, the more natural sounding your speech will be, the more confident you’ll be and therefore, the more likely you’ll deliver a barn burner.
The Microphone
In a battle with the microphone, the microphone always wins. Many people are unfamiliar with using a microphone. Most of us just don’t have an occasion to use one. That’s why it’s a great idea to do a little practice with one, if possible. If not, see if you can approach the wedding emcee and say a few words into the mic before the madness begins. As in, the day before. A little “testing 1-2-3.” If you can do this prior to the ceremony or the reception be- fore anyone arrives at the venue, that’s perfect. The important things to establish with the mic are:
The best sound level projecting out into the crowd
A comfortable distance between you and the mic so that you’re not kissing it out of nervousness or holding it at an arm’s length like some kind of explosive device. Remember: the mic is your friend, albeit a potentially dangerous drunk if you don’t know what you’re doing.
A relaxed stillness without any fidgeting, which can cause sound problems.
The crazy, loud reverb that comes out of mic happens when the mic and the speaker projecting the mic’s sound, are too close together. Move the mic.
How to be Cool, Calm and Collected Even if Your Heart is Pounding Audibly
Stage fright is real. Here’s how to combat it. Everybody gets nervous The best speechmakers in the world get nervous. They get as nervous as a quarter- back before the big game. But like Brett Favre [insert your favorite QB], they channel their nerves into their performance. They turn fear into victory. The point is that everybody gets nervous, so accept it! You’re scared? FORCE YOURSELF TO DEAL WITH IT! Speak clearer, slower and project your voice!
Breathing
Proper breathing is the single most important thing you can do while making your speech. Not only will you stay alive, but it is also the first thing that tends to go out the window when someone gets nervous. Make a point of taking a good deep breath before your speech, as you walk up to the podium to make the speech. Let your breathing calm your racing heart a little bit. This will also help you maintain a comfortable and sustainable pace while you’re speaking.
If You’re Tense
If you’re tense, you’ll know it, because your delivery will not feel natural. You’ll feel like your tuxedo collar is slowly tightening around your neck. Your speech flow will be interrupted, kind of like when you’re called upon to say something in a meeting, but were unprepared. Did we mention breathing? Slow down, don’t death grip the mic or the rostrum and laugh a little. In fact, the first thing you might want to say to get the audience on your side is to admit that you’re nervous. Before saying anything else, say: “Oh wow, am I ever nervous. But fortunately I’m imagining all of you naked so I should be just fine!” It’s a corny joke but the audience will laugh, you’ll relax a bit, and then you can get on with your speech. (As an aside – the whole concept of ‘imagining your audience is naked’ is supposed to make it seem as if they are the ones that should feel out of place. I know of no one who has made a speech this way.)
Nervous ticks
Playing with your wedding ring. Playing with the mic. Playing with your papers. Eye twitches, lip twitches, lip chewing, frequent throat clearing, coughing, nervous laughing, shaky hands, repetitive gesturing, voice cracking, sudden, dramatic pitch modulation. Everybody’s got something. The trick is to be aware of what your particular tick is so that you can catch yourself as soon as you feel it creeping up on you or taking over. Don’t touch the damn mic, and quit folding and refolding the paper that your speech is written on! You are basically guaranteed, however, to play with your wedding ring. It’s foreign object on your body and it will have only been there for a few hours.
Eye contact
A speech with no eye contact is going to fall flat. Whether you practiced or not, it reeks of something you scrawled on the way to the ceremony and you’re now reading for the first time. The sad part is that you DID practice but you’re just anxious with stage fright. Make eye contact as frequently as possible with as much of the audience as possible. You don’t need to look right into their eyes. In fact, that’s probably going to throw you off a bit. The trick isn’t really to look at the back of the room (creepy) or over their heads (obvious). The trick is to look through them, kinda like when you’re having a conversation with someone but you’re not really pay- ing attention to them. From afar, every guest will think you’re looking right at them. But you’re not.
Gesturing
If you’re holding a mic, one of your hands will be clutching (for dear life?) to the mic. That leaves you with one idle hand and up to five minutes to do something with that hand. Don’t feel pressure to use the clichéd gestures of lame politicians that feel un- natural to you. Gestures result naturally when you’re making every effort to commu- nicate something you care about and words aren’t enough. If gesturing in general is not something you do, there’s nothing wrong with putting one hand in a pocket until it’s time for the toast. If the mic is holding itself, don’t touch the thing. The easiest thing to do is death grip the sides of the podium.
Elucidate
It’s not just a fancy word. Elucidation is a fancy word derived from the Latin root meaning “to light up or shine”- for speaking clearly and with purpose. So light up and shine with your speech!! Don’t mumble into the mic, don’t read in a monotone –sell it, present it, and present it like you know the subject matter, because you do: it’s about your wife. Don’t speak too softly; command attention by being as loud as necessary, considering the room dimensions—does it have high ceilings? Sound-dampening drapes? Check it out ahead of time.
Project an Air of Confidence
Audiences can smell nervousness like sharks smell blood in the water. It’s almost like their looking for you to fail! You can nip that in the bud by projecting an air of confidence, even if you’re not entirely convinced of it yourself. Projecting confidence means speaking loud enough to capture the audience’s attention, smiling, breathing and presenting your speech with the comfort of knowing it cold. If you’re crumpled over the podium with your head down, droning on and on, it isn’t going well for you. Stand up proudly but look cool and relaxed. Think George Clooney! Engage your abs (we all have them--somewhere.)
The Order of Events
There’s a wedding rehearsal for a reason. Nobody wants to go on cold at this show, and your groom’s speech is no different. The best news is that you’re in charge of the show, more or less. First, know your peeps. As you’re part-host, you and your lovely bride should have appointed a wedding MC several weeks or months before the wedding. You’ll be working with this person to plan the wedding reception, including the order of speeches and toasts.
The Master of Ceremonies (MC) is your closest ally. He or she will typically run the show and will be the one to cue the commencement of the speeches. If there is no MC, there should be a wedding band front man in charge of the mic. You will never be the wedding MC. When to you get yourself out of your food and into mic range Traditionally, the Father of the Bride is the first to speak, and will speak before you. The Father of the Bride, as the host for the reception (according to tradition), wel- comes the guests to the reception.
Traditional wedding speech order:
Father of the bride, toasting the newlyweds
Groom, toasting the Bride
Best man, toasting the Groom
Alternative order:
Best man, roasting to the groom
Maid of honor, toasting the bride
Father of the groom, toasting to the bride
Father of the bride, toasting the newlyweds
Bride, toasting her and the groom’s parents
Groom, toasting the bride
Alternative to the Alternative:
These are the days of non-traditional families, and frequently awkward situations will arise where there IS no Father of the Bride, or perhaps her step-father who mostly raised her wants to speak or he doesn’t want to speak. Or, where the bride and groom have decided to make a joint speech—no, not simultaneously, wise guy. Or where the groom’s family doesn’t really want to speak, at all. Or any number of other iterations. There is absolutely nothing wrong with creating an order that works for your situation. People have been to enough non-traditional weddings that nothing will surprise. Nor, for that matter, will they know the traditional wedding speech order.
GO Time
“Don’t do anything in practice that you wouldn’t do in the game.” - George Halas,
Chicago Bears
It’s wedding day. The bachelor party has faded into distant memory (and videos posted on Youtube). You’ve made it this far. Congrats. Now it’s time to put your game face on and rock this speech. You ready?
Have everything you need in front of you If you have any visual aids, don’t forget them.
If you’ve opted to use cue cards or an outline, keep it in a safe place - like your tuxedo jacket pocket - and remember to bring it with you to the mic. One key prop you should keep nearby but not use until the end of your speech is a glass of champagne for a champagne toast. You might also want a glass of water nearby for that dry mouth which often accompanies public speaking anxiety. The thing about champagne – delicious as it is – is that it is also equally bankbreakingly expensive. For this reason, not every bride and groom will provide champagne. White wine works. Non-alcoholic sparkling cider works. No matter - have your beverage of choice nearby. Feel free to set it down on the nearest clear surface, and then leave it there.
Preach what you practiced
The delivery of your speech should be the best version of the speech you’ve practiced, no more, no less. Stick to the program.
Hiccups happen, man
Even if every one of your practice runs went flawlessly, nerves and other factors can cause some hiccups when the time comes to deliver the speech live. Go into wedding day knowing this and give yourself a break. No one expects perfection. Go with the flow. It’s not like your wedding speech is the biggest part of the biggest day of your bride’s life. It’s important, yes, but you’re going to be freaked out by how fast events speed past, how little time you’ll get to spend with friends that have traveled from afar, and how many times you’ll need to make small talk with your bride’s great aunt.
Don’t NASCAR through it
For some reason when people get up in front of an audience with something important to say, they tend to morph into speed readers/speakers. Nerves get the best of us and before we have time to take a single breath, the speech is over. You are speaking much faster than you think you are speaking. It’s true. Slow that puppy down. It will also help you relax. Remember, it always helps to take a big, deep breath before you start --but don’t be too obvious about it.
Avoid the 5 Common Traps of the Groom’s Wedding Speech Sometimes it’s easier to read a “Don’t” list, don’t you think? Common sense will get you far, and knowing what not to do will give you some parameters to put you at ease. So here it is: the top 5 groom’s wedding speech traps to avoid at all costs:
Getting too smashed before the speech
By all means, enjoy yourself. Have some beer or wine. Have a few sips of your drink before you get up to speak. (It’s a depressant, so in theory it might help calm your nerves.) But don’t get bombed before the speeches begin. Not only will it make it harder to get everything in order and to give the speech the way you rehearsed it, it will also be caught on camera. Nobody wants to end up on YouTube for the wrong reasons…
Not Looking Up From Your Notes
Sometimes it’s more comfortable to stare at your bride or your cousin, Jesse, then to address the entire audience. But try to lift your eyes and make the visual “rounds” throughout your speech.
Just Reading Your Speech Without Expression or Modulation
It’s not a book report from fifth grade. And if anything, it will be good practice for when you’ll need to use this stuff at work.
It’s Your Wedding, and You’re Not the Best Man
Insults and exclusions, inside jokes, excessive cursing, sexual jokes and giving a bit of tit for tat with the best man. The people at the wedding are your guests. Leave any of the above for the best man, and in fact, make sure to tell your best man to keep it respectful. I’m sure you’ll get lots of chances to roast the best man at his wedding. Some other time!
Don’t Touch The Mic
You don’t need the mic. You’re a man, and you should be able to project your voice and your confidence with your speech. Avoid the temptation to touch the mic, which will inevitably throw off some reverbs.
Expect The Unexpected
You can practice all you want but don’t forget Murphy’s Law. When it comes to weddings, you are dealing with a ton of variables, and not all of them in your control. Here are some of the things that could go wrong and how you can deal with them with class.
Cross-cultural wedding/unfamiliar customs
If the bride is from Bangladesh and you’re is from Boston, you’ve got a cross-cultural wedding on your hands. At a recent wedding, only one half of the crowd laughed along with the groom’s wedding speech. The other half didn’t get any of the cultural references or the humor. Yikes. Don’t be that groom.
The Tough Crowd
In the best case scenario, they’re going to love you. They want you do good up there. But be prepared for any kind of audience and don’t let the success of your speech ride on their reactions or lack thereof. Hey, if one of Jerry Seinfeld’s jokes can bomb in front of a packed house of adoring fans, so can yours. In addition, what you might see as a tough crowd is really just an attentive crowd. You’re going to be speaking in a heartfelt manner about your bride, so don’t be surprised if the only one actually making any sound is you. Deal with it.
Sweat
You probably will. Even if it’s January. The combination of lights, tuxedo apparel and nerves can get you glistening in no time. Deodorant/antiperspirant is a no-brainer. Chances are, however, you’ll be the only person who notices that you’re sweating up a storm. The audience is at least 10 feet from you. Focus on projecting your voice, not on the gobs of sweat pouring from your brow, which will distract you.
Technical difficulties
Unexpected storms, drunk aunts tripping over wires, and inexperienced MCs can result in technical difficulties. Don’t freak if the lights or the mic go out. Be prepared to give the speech without them. Heck, that would be a pretty memorable speech, wouldn’t it? If there’s no microphone, you need to, um, speak louder. Project. You deserve a beer or three if that happens. Cheers!
NOW BACK TO THE GAME. YOU WILL DO GREAT!
And remember… When it’s your turn to tie the knot, check out: www.GroomGroove.com Let us know your thoughts on the book by sending an email to: asktheweddingchick@groomgroove.com